Operation Mint Choc-Chip: Kerris Bay Gulls Upgrade to Military-Grade Tactics

A highly coordinated mid-day distraction on the promenade leaves tourists shell-shocked and sans dessert.

It’s time to face the grim reality: the Kerris Bay seagulls have been reading Sun Tzu.

On Saturday afternoon, a highly organized "distraction flock" performed a series of aggressive, screeching dives near the promenade benches, successfully causing a group of visitors to shield their faces in terror.

Caught up in the feathered air raid, the tourists never saw the real threat: a single, terrifyingly stealthy alpha gull that swooped in from the blind side, snatching a double-scoop mint choc-chip cone clean out of a tourist’s hand.

The victim escaped without a scratch, though their dignity may never fully recover.

Local business owners are once again calling for an emergency "gull summit," which I’m sure the birds will attend via Zoom.

Until we figure out who is providing these animals with tactical military training, I highly advise eating your ice cream under a heavy-duty umbrella, or better yet, inside a reinforced steel bunker.